24 May Choosing Love
As a therapist and a wife (and mother, and friend, and daughter, and…) I get into many conversations about love. While there are many different avenues of love (the way I love a chocolate donut is easily eclipsed compared to the way I love my children), the meaning of love can become watered down when you can love both shoes and people. I love my favorite old sweater, but no matter how much I love it, it will never love me back and I accept this one-sided relationship.
With people however, and partners especially, love is that thing we do, not the thing we say or even feel. Certainly I feel a deep, deep love for my husband. But he and I have given each other many reasons to not always warrant one another’s love. If the feelings we felt at any given time were the basis of our love, we would have parted ways many years ago. It is not this loving feeling I feel today that keeps me committed to him. It is the choice that I make, every day, to love him (and vice-versa) that is evidence that what we have is real. It is the loving in spite of that makes our love deeper than feelings or words. When two people have a commitment to each other, almost any other issue is resolvable because the priority shifts from two individuals in a relationship to who each person is within the context of the relationship .
It is important to take time to craft the definition of love you share with your partner. If you have these conversations early in the relationship (or even just often) you will cultivate a loving relationship that you both feel good about and can be accountable to one another for.
Robyn Allard, MA LMFT, is a Marriage and Family Therapist. She currently works in private practice at Coastal Counseling. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Robyn, please call 1-888-470-4415.
This article and the information herein are for educational and informational purposes only. It is not meant as a substitute for professional psychological or therapeutic services. The self-help information provided by this blog are solely the opinion of the bloggers and should not be considered as a form of therapy, advice, direction, diagnosis, or treatment of any kind. Instead, the information is designed to be used in conjunction with ongoing treatment provided by a mental health professional. Use the information in this blog at your own risk. All of the information is provided “as-is,” with no warranties of any kind, express or implied.